Look at Me, Only Me
by Twilight Cherry
Summary: He said he would live for him. But because of that, he was dying inside, slowly, painfully... All he wanted to hear was just a simple word. Rated M
1. Entrance

**Wee! The new story is here! Well, there are a few things about this story. First, the first half of this story would be rather common, the usual. It is from a yaoi oneshot I've read previously (I'll tell you which when I reach the turning point) but I didn't like how the story ended so I'm changing it to my liking. Secondly, this will be a short story so it should end around 10-15 chaps. So, if you think the first half is boring, bear with it and read it! Muahaha… I assure you, you won't be disappointed. I'm gonna go into my sadist mode! Nyahaha… Angst and cliffies… _**

**To Chey-chan, thank you for being my beta once again. You'll see which oneshot it was later. XP**

**Look at Me, Only Me**

**Entrance**

'_How much can one sacrifice for the person he or she loves? To what extent could one take it?'_

…**.**

Huddled up in a corner of the dark room, the young boy, barely 18 years old, curled his body into a ball, wishing that he would become smaller and smaller and eventually disappear into nothing. There was emptiness in his heart, portrayed by his blank eyes which were swollen from excessive crying. There were no more tears left now. He had poured out all his emotions until none remained, together when they had pushed his brother's body into the crematorium, and now, all remained were his picture and a wooden tablet with the words carved into them:

**Takahashi Takahiro**

The doorbell rang twice but Misaki did not even lift his head up. He was hoping that whoever that was would think that no one was at home since the lights weren't on. It wasn't that he didn't want to turn the lights on in the dark room but he really didn't want to see that tablet and recall the fact that what remains of his beloved brother were right in front of him. Even when he closed his eyes, he still could see it. Those glinting words shined as if they were etched inside his eyelids. Moreover, he didn't have much money. His brother left him with a huge amount of debts. Now that he was gone, debtors were pestering Misaki non-stop.

The bell rang again for another few times, followed by a series of knocks. He continued to ignore it. More like trying to block them out. For the past few days, he had been working from early morning till late night at a few part time jobs to earn money. Around midnight, he would come back home and curl up like what he was currently doing, staring off into the darkness. Then, the cycle repeats. It wasn't hard to be oblivious to his surroundings anymore. It was like he was floating in his own mind. Deep down, he wished he could just collapse and let it all end but his brother had always taught him not to trouble other people.

He had to pick up what his brother left. After all, the reason his brother borrowed the money was to keep them alive. Their parents left them with a pile of unpaid debts as well when they died in an accident and his brother had to borrow more to clear it. Although his brother worked day and night as well, the money was just enough to barely feed them both and pay off a small amount of the debts. Finally, his brother overworked himself and left Misaki alone as well.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The loud hammering finally paid off. He turned his head slowly to look at the dark shadow looming at the door. Getting up slowly, he dragged his feet to the door and opened it reluctantly.

"How much did my brother owe you? I'll pay back if you give me some time…" he mumbled. He had used up the money from these few days to pay off those persistent ones and was left with only a few coins which were supposed to buy him food but he was not hungry. Being so tired, he did not notice the passing silence as both of them stood at the doorway. When at last he managed to gather what last strength he had, he used it to look up at the stranger.

The person's eyes were clear amethyst, looking far and beyond him into the dark. Misaki saw what was reflected in his eyes; his brother's memorial tablet.

"Takahiro…" The man unexpectedly whispered.

'_Huh? He called onii-chan by his name? Who is he?_' Stunned, the young boy continued to stare at the man. Barging in and pushing Misaki aside roughly, he could only whimper as he hit the wall and slide down to the floor lifelessly. He watched the man standing in front of his brother. He wasn't sure whether that man was trembling or his eyes were blurry.

"I've never seen you before. How much did my brother owe you?" Misaki repeated the question. This time, the man turned sharply towards him, as if he finally registered Misaki's presence. The smaller boy shivered as that strong figure loomed over him, or perhaps it was just from the hunger.

"You're his brother?" Misaki was shocked when he spoke, unconsciously attracted his deep voice.

"Yes, I'm taking over his debts. I don't have much now but I'll pay you back eventually if you give me some time…" The man's brow twitched together in a frown, his fingers curled into fists. Now that the moonlight shining through the window cast its ray on the man's face, Misaki could see that he was a lean, sharp faced man with silver hair matching his purple eyes. He had to admit that the stranger was a looker. Or maybe he was just hallucinating. It happens quite often lately. He could not really tell which is which.

"I shouldn't have…" he muttered through gritted teeth, his hand covering his face in frustration.

'_Shouldn't have what? Lent the money to my brother?'_ Misaki thought. Sighing, he got up, staggered a little and tumbled his way towards the man.

"Do you need the money that badly? I already said I would pay you back but since I'm only 18, it will take some time for me to clear off large loans. Unless you want me to sell my organs? I don't mind… Even if you chop me into pieces…" He didn't know what gave him the guts to talk back to the guy but the words just slipped out without him realizing. The death stare returned to glare at him as the man gripped on Misaki's shirt collar, choking him.

"You have no idea how much he owed me! To pay me back, even selling your organs and body is not enough!" he hissed into the boy's face before throwing him against the wall again. He slid down against the walls when he thought his knees would give way.

"Then, what do you want? Do as you please…" He had no more strength to fight, no more will to live. He didn't care whether he was dead or alive anymore. Surprisingly, the man knelt in front of him and gripped his face with a large hand. Even with a scowl on that face, he was still handsome, Misaki thought numbly.

"What's your name?" he demanded, forcing Misaki to look straight into his eyes. Those lilac pools swirled with unknown emotions that made the younger boy's head spin, mesmerized as if he was looking at the Milky Way.

"Misaki… Takahashi Misaki…" he answered softly, his head floating. Blinking a few times slowly to clear the haze in his mind, he managed to move his tongue again.

"What's your name?" he asked in return. He tried hard to focus on the moving lips but he was just slipping away into the darkness. The last thing that managed to reach his mind and somehow glue itself to his brain was that low voice of the stranger.

"Usami Akihiko…"

…**.**

**Well, that's it! Next chapter would be coming quite fast, I guess. I've already written it. Just need to beta but I'll upload it at MY pace. Muahaha….**

**Review please! I love you guys!**

**Twilight Cherry**


	2. Captive

**Hello people! Happy Halloween! My treat for you guys! I forgot to add this in the notes in chapter 1. Characters in this story might be slightly OOC so don't start telling me it isn't Usagi-san-or-Misaki-like.**

**And another very important thing, THIS IS A M-RATED STORY! In case you didn't see…**

**Thank you my dear beta, Chey-chan, and reviewers!**

**Look at Me, Only Me chapter 2**

**Captive**

'_Living for someone… Is it possible?'_

…**.**

The brown haired young man woke up in a startled manner. He had not been able to sleep so soundly once since his brother had died but he was completely knocked out for who knew how long. Still, judging by how rested he felt, he knew it was a long time. His mind was clearer than before.

Staring at the unfamiliar ceiling, he wondered what happened to him. Did some yakuza kidnap him and sell him off because of the unpaid debt when he was unconscious? Talking about debt collectors, where was that man with silver hair and amethyst eyes?

"Ah, you're awake." The said man appeared. A click reached Misaki's ears and the lights came on. The young man had to blink a few times to get accustomed to the sudden brightness. Finally, the sharp face came into view again, those thin lips turned upside down into a grumpy look. Misaki sat up.

"Wha-What the hell is this?" His hands were chained to the bed. Although it was useless, he tugged at them in reflex before turning to the man, demanding an answer. The poker face remained emotionless as he calmly unbuttoned his shirt, making Misaki realized that he himself was not wearing anything except for pants. With the speed of a rattlesnake, the silver haired man caught his face in his vice grip and forced him to look upwards. Slowly, he pulled near and whispered softly in the boy's ear.

"I am going to hold you." Shocked, Misaki recoiled, pulling away hard from his grip and shrinking further away from the bed but the man followed closely. Misaki started to tremble as he felt the shift of the bed under Akihiko's weight when he placed one knee and then the other closer to the retreating teen.

"W-What do you mean? I'm a guy!" His voice was already unsteady and wavering. He was hoping that someone would tell him that this was just a joke or a bad dream. However, everything was real, just like the fact that his brother would never open his eyes again and share his kind words or shower him with love.

"Oh? You know what I'm talking about? At least you're not as dense as your brother…" He muttered quietly, inching nearer. With one strong, swift action, he pulled off Misaki's pants.

"NO!" The young man tried to hide his exposed privates but to no avail when the older man force his legs apart. A sinister smirk graced the proud face, eyes taking in hungrily the feast in front of him.

"What a view… A little small but delicate…" He teased as he traced one finger from the bottom to the tip, earning a high pitch gasp. The teen's body jolted in response to the light touch, his member twitching and hardening almost immediately in response. Misaki's face was red with embarrassment and anger.

"My, my, aren't we sensitive?" His grin widened, looking like a Cheshire cat up to no good. He pounced on the younger male and pinned him down, nipping at the delicate pink bud on his chest. The boy struggled hard as the man moved upwards to his neck, biting and licking at the exposed tender flesh.

"Stop it… You're hurting me! I'd rather die than to be treated like this!" Misaki fought uselessly as the stronger man ignored his cries. Drawing his tongue around the aroused nipple, he snickered when the teen's body jolted again at his touch.

"You said it yourself… That I can 'do as I please'…" Akihiko dragged his tongue across the boy's thin chest.

"Nnn… I didn't mean…" Misaki was trying resist but his body wasn't listening.

"Damn… you… You sick bastard!" He gritted his teeth but he could not stop his body from going into spasm when that man touched him. Those feathery touches were like electrical shocks down his body. Akihiko wasn't paying attention to his curses but was more interested in licking his pale body. He was slowly making his way down, his fingers pinching at Misaki's nipple. Without a warning, he lifted the brown haired boy's leg and spread them wide, earning a loud gasp of shock from his prey.

"NOOO!" Misaki shouted. Akihiko stabbed his tongue at the young man's entrance, wetting it with every lick as the boy continued to cry out. Every time the older man's wet tongue slide over, the boy trembled.

"Ahh… Ahhh!"

When it was wet enough, the man pulled away. Pressing a finger into the boy, tears swelled up from the boy's eyes and he called out in pain.

"No… It hurts…" Akihiko continued to prod around, grinding. When his single digit started to slide in and out smoothly, he inserted another which earned a louder cry from the boy.

"Stop… Hurts..! Get it out…!" Misaki was having trouble speaking already, panting hard, when the man continued to assault him. His slick fingers were scissoring his entrance, stretching the tight muscle while pressing around.

"Ahh!" Akihiko paused for a second when the boy's cry was different. Misaki was blushing furiously. Flipping the boy to his knees, he repeatedly hit the spot where it making the boy twitched with pleasure now.

"What? Not hurting anymore? You're moving your hips in tandem." Akihiko told him. The boy could only flushed red in shame. When the man pulled his fingers out, he flipped the boy back. Exhausted, Misaki laid there breathing hard to regain his composure. However, after a while, he began to quiver. Biting on his lips hard, he tried to hold back but the little noise escaped from his mouth.

"Ah… Uhm…"

"Hmm? What is it? What is it that you want?" Akihiko gathered a fist full of the soft brown hair, forcing the boy to turn towards him when he looked away. Stubborn, Misaki averted his eyes when the man's face came up close.

"Urgh…" While the boy was still fighting the urge to say it out, Akihiko purposely acted innocent. It was obvious of what the boy wanted. His erection was straining for release.

"I… I want to cum…" Finally, the boy gave in to his bodily desire, unable to ignore the pain.

"Ah, you want it here?" Akihiko fondled with the boy's member which was oozing precum. The boy moaned in ecstasy as he moved his hand up and down. Just when he was about to come, Akihiko stopped.

"No!" Misaki unconsciously uttered as he opened his closed eyes when the warm hand moved away, shocked. The straining pain returned. Unbuckling his trousers, the man took his own erection out.

"You'll just have to learn to cum stuffed from behind." he stated calmly.

"Huh…?" Misaki's mind was starting to blur with the pain and lack of oxygen. The man lifted his legs again and slid into the boy. Misaki screamed. Akihiko blocked the voice out from his mind as he inched in the tight hole.

"How's that?" He deliberately asked the boy as he leaned forward. Misaki, unable to reply, managed to pant in response.

"I'm gonna put it all in…" He whispered. As if to prove his words, he shoved the remaining length into the boy without mercy.

"Damn it… It hurts! Somebody… help…" Misaki sobbed out. A shudder went through the man. His bangs fell over his eyes as he thrust into the boy, grunting occasionally as the boy continued to cry. Soon, his entrance became slick, making the movement smoother and less torturous. In fact, it became pleasurable.

"How's this? Feels good?" He leaned forward to rub Misaki's nipples, his pace not slowing down as he continued to pound the young man. Misaki was drowning in pleasure as Akihiko continued to hit his sensitive spot. Kissing the younger man, he licked the boy's lips and slid his tongue in, sucking.

"Soon, your body will explode with pleasure…" He told him, "Over and over!"

"Ahh!" Holding the boy tightly in his arms, they climaxed together. He slowly pulled out of the boy, panting. Both of them were splattered with Misaki's cum. The boy could only lie there unmoving, breathing hard for the lost oxygen.

"You don't wish to die now, do you?" Akihiko asked, smirking.

…**.**

**Tadah! How did you like it? About that 'hug' and 'hold' thingy, I've seen in movies where they say 'dakishimetai'. It can both mean hug as in the friendly bear hug or hold me as in make love to me. So, I hope this clears up the confusion! If you had any…**

**Now, trick or treat? XD I want my treats in the form of reviews!**

**Twilight Cherry**


	3. Contract

**Well, howdy! I have nothing much to say today but if you don't understand today's chapter, go re-read the last chapter and the footnotes. I realized after posting it that those words should go with this chappie. Oh well… I'll write it again.**

***down on both knees* I'M SO SORRY FOR THE HORRIBLE VERB TENSES, CHEY-CHAN! I tend to write in the middle of the night when I can't sleep so… XD **

**Look at Me, Only Me chapter 3**

**Contract**

'_Even if it kills them, would one still approach it?'_

…**.**

I had no idea of how long I had been in this room nor do I care. I only cared about when he embraced me again. I had learnt that it was easier to enjoy it rather than resist it.

"Ah… Ah…" My moans matched with every one of his powerful thrusts into my body. Eat, sleep, sex. That was the routine without a regular timing. Once I had awakened from my sleep, we had sex until I dropped. There would be food on the side table when I woke up again. After eating, I'd fall back into slumber and we have sex again whenever he returns.

Grabbing my hand, he pulled me on top of him. When I was positioned, comfortably straddling him, he moved my hips up and down rhythmically. I no longer hurt where he and I were connected. In fact, I had not felt this alive for some time. Leaning forward, our tongues clashed with each other's, our bodily fluids mixing.

"Ah!" He was bucking from below, impatience speeding up his movements. My blood was boiling all over my body. My insides were filled with his heat. As I felt the tension and need rising in both of us, my body moved on its own to match with his.

"Haa!" Those noises emitted from my mouth seemed so unreal, as if they had a mind of their own but I was not bothered. Falling onto him exhausted, we both lay in the dark, panting hard. His strong heartbeat was transmitted from his chest to mine, like it was trying to tell my heart to synchronize with it. His warm arms circled me and crushed me to him.

The people who used to hold me this tightly were all gone. Maybe it was because of that, I desperately seek safety, someone who would hug me and tell me everything is alright. The pain and pleasure kept me living.

"Takahiro…" the man muttered before succumbing to darkness.

'_He __is __still __calling __out __onii-chan__'__s __name__…'_ I bit my lips as I buried my face into his shoulder, inhaling his now familiar scent. What was the prickling sensation I could feeling in my heart? Slowly inching off him, I rolled to the other side of the bed and sat up to look at his peaceful sleeping face.

'_What __was __between __him __and __my __brother?__'_ I couldn't help but wonder.

…**.**

I lost track of days I had been in this high class penthouse. Finally, for the first time, I stepped out of my confinement room and wandered in awe of the huge place. He went out for some business and told me I was free to explore.

'_But __he __specifically __told __me __not __to __go __in to __the __study __room__…'_ I thought as I peeked in. The more you told a person not to do it, the more the person would want to do exactly that. That was just pure human nature. Stepping around cautiously so that I would not leave any tracks, I tried to look around the mess up room filled with books lying all over.

"He had finally gone outside. This is my chance to find out who is onii-chan to him…" I muttered to myself quietly. Then, the light on the monitor caught my attention. Looking more closely, it was a piece of literary work. A few books with his name printed on the cover were placed near the computer.

'_So __he__'__s __an __author? __Must __be __quite __a __popular __one __to __be __able t__o __afford __such __a __luxurious __apartment__…' _Then I see it. 'No.1 Best Seller.' The answer to the question. Then, shaking my head, I turned back to my initial mission, looking for clues. When I was figuring where to start among his huge amount of books, I saw it.

Placed in the middle of a clearing was a picture of my brother and him in high school. Somehow, everything became clear.

…**.**

"Ahn… Uhn…" His tongue brushed the sensitive part of my inner mouth, licking and sucking. His hand trailed down my body to my arousal and started stroking it.

"My brother…" I panted. He looked up at me. His amethyst eyes held me captive as I lost what I was about to say.

"What?" he shot out, snapping me out of the trance.

"When I was younger, I was kidnapped a few times because my brother could not pay the debt back fast enough," I wheezed out. He tightened his grip on me and I yelped out in pain.

"Shut up!" he growled as he moved downwards, taking me into his mouth. But I would not give up.

"I know there… was no way… he was able to find… so much money so suddenly…" I breathed out whenever I could. He raised his head and sat up.

"Oi! What's with all this talk?" he barked at me. I shrank a little and held my head down.

"He once told me that he had this good friend who was rich. He lent a huge sum of money to my brother so that onii-chan can rescue me." He was frowning, displeased with the interruption.

"However, although his friend told him there was no need to pay back, it was not few times thing that I was taken away because onii-chan could not make it in time. And each time, this friend gave him a large amount." I stared at the man who was scowling.

"What the hell…" He averted his eyes from my gaze.

"That was you, right?" I asked. He remained silent.

"You were in love with my brother!" It was not a question. It was as clear as eyes could see. True to my assumption, he was shocked and his entire being froze on the spot. I stared at his unmoving figure as he looked back. Both of us remained in that awkward silence for some time.

"You were expecting my brother to pay you back with something, right? You had a deal. But you found me instead." I didn't know what came to my mind but in the midst of this confusion, I managed to smile. It must've been because of the pride of discovering the truth, I thought bitterly. He was looking dumbfounded. Then, fury covered his eyes.

"So what? I told you I wanted to hold you but you only gave me a friendly hug!" he yelled. I recoiled from his suddenly loud voice.

"You're mine no matter what!" he muttered under his breath, hovering nearer. His shadow cast darkness over my entire figure. Then I realized.

I was not the one he saw.

"Urgh… I don't even look like my brother and you… you don't even care for m-" He pounced on me, squeezing me tightly, crushing me in his strong embrace, cutting off my words.

"Finally… I finally have you in my arms! After all these years, Takahiro!" He held me in his arms. My eyes dilated and began to sting. I didn't know why but tears began to pool under my eyes and soon overflowed down my cheeks. My heart felt as if someone had stabbed into it. Perhaps I was feeling his pain and agony? Or maybe it was because I thought he did care for me a little? It was my wishful thinking. With trembling hands, I reached up his back.

"Since I was rescued because of you, I owe you my life." I held his face in my hands. Looking straight into his eyes, I could see a reflection of myself, looking very pathetic. The slight light that reflected from his eyes reminded me of the glints of light bouncing from those blades held to my throat when I was captured. The ghostly snickers haunted my ears as a tremble ran down my spine.

"So, I'll be onii-chan's replacement…" I bumped my lips clumsily at his, sealing our contract with a kiss, the tears continue running down my face.

"I'll live for you…"

I didn't know what came over me for me to say such a thing but my stomach was twisted in knots. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest and my lungs felt as if they did not have enough air in them. I wanted to stay with this man, this man who had even a littlest connection to my brother, this man who held me in his warm, strong arms, even if I wasn't the one he was holding. Thinking of that, my heart skipped another beat and began to ache.

…**.**

**That's all for now. Again, 'hug' and 'hold'. 'Daku' can mean hug as in friendly bear hug and also hold as in making love. So, Takahiro, being the dense one, misunderstood what Usagi-san meant. Get it?**

**Another thing for computer pros. When I type in Italics in the computer, it's fine but when I post the document, they appear without spacing. Help please?**

**You like it? Review please. You hate it? Go read some other fic and leave mine alone. Or maybe you have some opinions you wanna voice out, but let me tell you, lately, I've developed a skill call 'selective reading'. XP Probably that's why my tenses are so bad.**

**Twilight Cherry**


	4. Reality

**Halo, people! Wishing you a belated Christmas and a Happy New Year! Here's my year end gift to all of you! I actually intended it for Christmas but this year, my Christmas was tad bit depressing so I didn't want to pull down yours by posting a angst filled story. Though to those who thinks angst = love like me, well, I'm sorry. XP Well, actually, I'm not! Hahaha… Anyway, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year again!**

**Chey-chan, dear, thanks as always. I can't help but feel happy when you praise me! Wee! XP Though it's always my fault when you scold me for the horrible grammar and tenses.**

**Look at Me, Only Me chapter 4**

**Reality**

'_It is best being ignorant because once one realizes the truth, reality is cruel…'_

…**.**

I now lived to have sex with this man, holding, pounding deep inside me.

"Ahh… Ahh!" Those noises that came out from my throat seemed to be something so frequent that I didn't care whether it was right or wrong.

"Takahiro…" He still loved my brother and called me his name every time we had sex. In his mind, he was making love to my brother and I was just a substitute.

I was nothing but an empty shell.

"Usagi-san…" I moaned his name, the nickname my brother gave him, as he continued to thrust into me. Only when he bestowed me with the pleasure did I feel alive. The heat and the pain, the pleasure and the warmth, all those told me I was alive. Even if it was only barely.

…**.**

I came here to pay off the debt my late brother owed. Gradually, I was getting used to living with Usami Akihiko, a No.1 best seller author who came from a rich family. Even without his family supporting him, this guy earned millions. And thanks to that, he paid off all the other debts.

This life was a far cry from the life I used to know, where almost every three days, we would have 'visitors' knocking on our door, demanding money. When he suddenly cleared off all my debts, cancelled the lease for the tiny apartment and brought whatever little stuff I had over, all in a single day, everything felt so unreal that even Usagi-san seemed surreal to me.

"What are you doing?" He came behind me, peering over to see. I remained silent as I continued to stir the broth.

"We can go out and eat or order takeout…" He refilled his mug with coffee and slumped on the sofa.

"We've been eating out every day. Don't you want a home cooked meal for a change?" I muttered quietly. It wasn't like I was against takeout or anything. In fact, all the food we had ate these past few weeks since I came here was luxurious; food I'd never imagined before. I did household chores so I could have some normalcy, to counter everything else that seemed too craze. As unreal as me living in this penthouse. And of course, living with this man.

"My share too?" he suddenly asked, a tint of hopeful tone colored his voice. Blinking twice, I wondered if he was an idiot to ask a question like that when I was cooking such a big pot of food.

Nevertheless, I answered his silly query. "Of course."

"Thanks. It has been a while since I had a home cooked meal to eat with someone." He smiled, getting up and going back upstairs into his study room to continue his work. The pace of my heart increased. Something seemed to have changed, something that I could not quite put my finger on.

…**.**

"Ah… Ngh…" My body shivered with pleasure as he licked me. His skillful tongue trailed down my body before engulfing me whole, sucking gently, erotically.

"Uhm… There…" I groaned in ecstasy when he suckled at a particularly sensitive spot. It felt so good that my strength was slowly seeping out of my body like there was a hole somewhere and the essence of my life was leaking out.

"Here?" he asked as he continued to apply more pressure, smirking. Lifting up his head, he stared at my erection, wet with his saliva and my own precum.

"How about…" He kissed the tip softly before licking it softly, teasing. My body twitched and jolted at the sensation coursing through my entire being.

"Mmm… There too…"

"Here?"

"Ahh! Damn… No!" He knew exactly where to stimulate me, making me unable to resist. I came immediately. Spent, I flopped backwards onto the bed, breathing hard.

"Was it good?" he whispered beside my ear. Heat rushed to my face as I gave a little nod. Nuzzling my face, he claimed my lips passionately.

This, too, felt utterly unreal. Yet, I was completely helpless when I was bound by this man's charm. I hated it but wanted it. I blindly continued to fall deeper into it. Conflicting thoughts were clashing in my head as he thrust into me.

"Yes… There… Harder!" Such words came out from my mouth when, previously, these indecent words would never have even crossed my mind because to my pride. He continuously rammed at my pleasure spot as shocks ran from where we connected to my lower half. I was erect again while my legs were jelly. He sat me on top of him as I adjusted to him.

"You've come to really love taking it up in the ass, huh?" He snickered as he slowly slid out of me and then in again. I whimpered as the friction brought out my previous experience on what was to come next: the warm, full feeling and the pleasantly tingling impulses along my whole body, ticklish yet sensual in a way.

"Remember before, you couldn't even take in one finger at the beginning?" I flushed. I lightly smacked his chest as I shuddered. The heat was steadily rising.

"Don't say that…" I panted.

"Oh? You're clamping down on me already so can I move now?" I couldn't control my own body. Him inside me was in a sense invasive yet when he brushed at the sensitive part inside me, it made me want more.

"W….Why?" My mind was hazing slowly. I wanted to ask why he bothered to ask when he usually just did as he pleased but the words were tangled up in my tongue.

"Heh… You seem to be really into this. I was trying to hold on as long as I could… but…" He did not finish his sentence but started pounding into me yet again. His hand gripped my erection, rubbing it, sending more pleasure throughout my body so that I could not tell which was which anymore.

…**.**

He fell asleep quickly after he was satisfied. Tired, I rested for some time on his arm, looking at his peacefully sleeping face.

'_As long as the sex is good and I keep his house, he'll let me stay, right?' _I wonderedt. Sure, all those other debts were cleared but I did agreed on paying what I owed him with my body. Even if I left him, he'd know where to find me, back at my place. And since I had no other places to hide, it was probably better to stay. Yes, staying here was easier than I thought it would be. But deep inside, there was a little tingling feeling that was bubbling quietly. I refused to dig further.

Realizing that my throat was parched dry from all the 'exercise', I slid out from under the blanket and sat on the edge of the bed for awhile, waiting until I felt sure that my legs would not give way when I stand before really trying it. However, before I could take a step further, a vice grip caught my wrist and held me. Turning, I saw him staring at me. I blinked at him without a word, confused.

"Where are you going?" he asked groggily, his eyes piercing even through the darkness.

"To… get some… water…" As if in reflex, my body and voice trembled at his fierce demeanor.

"Get it later!" he snapped, pulling me back into the bed, back into his embrace.

"Whoa!" I was swept up in the motion, unable to resist, a bird trapped in the steel cage.

"Stay with me a little longer…" With his lips on my forehead, he began snoring again. I actually felt extremely happy for some reason at his words and I snuggled into his neck, inhaling his scent.

"Takahiro…" He muttered in his sleep and my heart crashed. Every thud was a stab, excruciating. Now I knew what had changed. I was now 'Takahiro'. This place felt so unreal because his feelings for me weren't real. Those feelings were for the person in that picture, smiling next to the younger Usagi-san, a face I knew so well. He loved my brother and still did.

Creeping even closer until our faces were just an inch apart and I was breathing in the air that he breathed out, I looked at his face. My heart constricted tightly in my chest as if blood was pouring out of the wound inflicted moments ago, searing it. The ugly truth appeared in my mind clearly although I did not want to know.

'_He is so close to me… Yet so far away…'_

…**.**

**That's all for today! I'm older a year in another hour or so, so yeah, this is my birthday present to you guys! Oh, by the way, next chapter would be the turning point. Remember I said this is following a one-shot which I thought the ending was not satisfactory enough? Yeah, so next chapter, from half of it, if I'm not mistaken, would be my own idea. And trust me, I'll dump a tank full of angst in. XP**

**Happy birthday to Ken-chan as well! (3rd January) Our dear Hiro-chan's voice actor! I always sort of miss his birthday. This time I won't…**

**Oh well, happy birthday to me and I want my presents in the form of reviews please!**

**Twilight Cherry**


	5. Disappearing Warmth

**Well, well, here it is. I'm so deflated. A lot of things happened to me and around me in this year and it has been only like, what? A month and a week? Jeez… Well, anyway, I hope this brings better luck to you guys! XD**

**To Chey-chan! Love ya as always. You're getting bored with hearing this, or rather reading this, aren't you? Or you don't read it?**

**Look at Me, Only Me chapter 5**

**Disappearing Warmth**

'_When you ignore the pain in the heart, it inflicts the body…'_

…**.**

Kissing gently down his collarbone, the older man turned his gaze upwards at the boy who had his arm across his eyes. The younger one was unusually quiet today. Before they went to bed, no, even during dinner, the boy's eyes had lost their usual glint. It was as if his mind was not here.

"What's the matter?" he asked in concern. No reply.

"You seem down lately. Are you not feeling well?" He gathered the petite, rather lifeless body into his arms. Touching softly over his forehead, he felt for a fever but there was only Misaki's typically warm skin.

"It's nothing…" Finally, the boy came back to life, brushing off the hand lightly. Laying his head back onto the pillow, Akihiko bent down as well and pressed a light kiss onto the side of his head.

"If you're not in the mood, we'll skip it today. Just rest." He ruffled the chocolate hair gently. All of a sudden, Misaki caught his arm with strength that surprised the older man. Those fragile arms then circled his neck and pulled him in.

"No… Do it… Do it please…" the boy begged desperately. Akihiko hesitated but the younger man kept on whispering those words in his ears, subtly kissing him. The warmth he felt around his neck vanished. Instead, it was replaced by another fluttering heat between his thighs. He grabbed Misaki's hands and pinned them above his head, his restraint broken. Kissing down the boy's collarbone again, the soft sigh from the body below him was all he needed to continue.

When he was at last satisfied, he fell asleep almost instantly. Misaki turned his back to the man. With that small movement, Akihiko caught the teen tight by the waist, all the while remaining unconscious, as if it was reflex. The hold softened when the boy placed his small hands over the large ones and guided them to his chest, pulling them closer around himself. The older man naturally held him nearer even in his slumber. The brunette closed his eyes and felt the strong pounding of Akihiko's heart against his back. He imagined warmth flowing from the man's heart, through his back, to his own heart and spreading all over his body slowly like a slow fire.

"Takahiro…" the man whispered as he snuggled his face into his companion's neck. Like having a bucket full of ice water thrown over him, Misaki shivered as the fire within was distinguished cruelly. The smoke from the extinguished fire brought tears to his eyes. That was why he did not want to sleep facing the older man. Misaki then spread himself, allowing as much skin contact he could with the other but somehow, an invisible barrier had formed between them, preventing the heat from transmitting. More tears fell as the boy tried to find that warmth once more.

…**.**

Akihiko woke up with a start when he no longer felt the warmth within his arms. Panicking, he bolted into a sitting position and looked around the dark. The sound of water flushing and the dim light seeping through the door frame of the toilet caught his attention. Getting out of bed, he took two deep breaths to calm himself before pushing the door open. The boy, washing his face, looked up and back at him through the mirror, surprised.

"What are you doing?" Akihiko asked. The teen splashed more water onto his face before looking at his reflection again.

"Washing my face?" he answered, making it sound like a question. He gave the man a 'are-you-stupid' look before Akihiko realized he had just asked an exceedingly idiotic question to a normal person.

"I meant, what are you doing up, washing your face, in the middle of the night?" he amended. This time, Misaki understood the unspoken part of his question. He grabbed a towel from the rack and pressed it to his face.

"I went to the toilet and I felt that my face was sticky from all the sweat so I washed it. Any problem with that?" Akihiko was shocked by the sarcasm of the inquiry although the boy's tone remained flat all the while. He couldn't really analyze the younger man's expression because it was still partially covered by the cloth but he felt certain that he had somehow hurt the boy. It was like he did not trust what Misaki had said that time. He sighed softly, relief and regret mixed. Relief because the boy obviously had no intention of leaving and regret because he doubted the boy which, in turn, hurt him.

"No… None. You're free to do anything you want." Akihiko hugged him from behind, inhaling the boy's scent.

'_As long as you remain by my side…'_ he added silently. The boy was dropped the towel in the laundry basket and turned around, submerging his face in the loose cloth hanging over Akihiko's chest. The man could still feel the dampness that remained on the boy's bangs as he returned the embrace. Caressing the small back of the younger man, he bent downwards.

"Come back to bed with me?" There was no answer from the boy but he did press himself tighter to Akihiko. The older man's lips twitched upwards a little before scooping the boy up in bridal style. He was rather astonished when the boy did not resist but instead lay quietly in the cradle of his arms. He set the boy gently on the bed and pulled up the covers before sliding in next to the brunet. Then, Akihiko was further amazed when Misaki moved nearer to him until they were touching.

"Cold…" The boy blew the single word out faintly. Acting in accordance to the boy's wish, Akihiko gathered him closer, the delicate figure he was afraid would break if he held him to hard but never want to let go. He tenderly stroked Misaki's hair until he fell asleep.

…**.**

Misaki knocked softly on the door of Akihiko's study. Inside, the man looked up from his work and glanced toward the door.

"Come in," he said. The boy entered, stepping nimbly among the fallen books in the room until he was half way between Akihiko and his exit.

"What's the matter?" Akihiko asked kindly, concerned when the boy's head hung low.

"No… I just want to ask what you would like for dinner," Misaki muttered quietly. He was fidgeting nervously on the spot. The silver haired man smiled when he realized it. Getting up, he strode across the remaining distance between them and lifted the younger man's chin. His smile widen as he stared into the boy's eyes, drowned himself in pools of emeralds momentarily. Doing so, the boy saw his own reflection in the amethyst orbs, like a puppy that had fallen helplessly in love with his master.

"Anything would be fine but if you insist, hamburger. With a flower-shaped fried egg on top." The childish request earned a meek little smile and a low but melodious laugh from Misaki.

"Alright. Can I go out to buy the ingredients?" Akihiko's eyes went large with that question. Then only did he realize, up until that day, the boy had not gone out from the penthouse since he stepped into it. He hesitated for a second, pondering on the possibility of Misaki running away. But the boy had no where to go anymore. Betting on that thought, he finally nodded and gave the boy the key and some money. The action seemed to please the boy, like he was happy to, at last, be trusted.

As Misaki turned toward the door, Akihiko's large hand slid under the pale one of the younger man, brushing fingertips like a butterfly's caress for a second. The boy, surprised, wheeled around again but the older man only smiled, motioning for him to go. Misaki turned again at the exit, his lips curving slightly upwards and his heart light with joy.

"Thank you, Takahiro," he said, right before the boy went out of the room. Freezing for a moment that was slightly unusual, Misaki's head jerked a little and he closed the door behind him. Unable to notice the change in the boy, the man returned to his seat and resumed his work.

The boy walked as fast as he could until he was outside of the penthouse door. There, he leaned against it and slid down, clutching the key he was given to his heart, where it felt like sharp claws tearing his chest from inside out. The previous lightness was gone, replaced by a heavy, suffocating feeling. The sensation made him start tearing up and hyperventilating. It took a few moments for him to regain his breath. Getting up, he staggered to the lift. The dull pain continued but he had learnt how to block it out in order to keep his body functioning. Still, Misaki didn't notice the single tear that escaped his eye and left a silvery trail down his cheek.

…**.**

**That's all for now! As I said, until halfway it's sort of not my original idea but it will be from now on! Be prepared for the buckets of angst! Muahaha! I'd say there's quite a lot of angst in this chapter but if you didn't feel it, well, maybe I need to work on my writing skills…**

**Well, review please? Pweety please with a caramel custard pudding on top? That's what I'm planning to make tomorrow. XP**

**Twilight Cherry**


	6. Breakdown

**Yahoo! I'm finally done with this chapter. Oh gosh! My assignments are burying me. *landslide of books***

***muffled by books* Thank you, Chey-chan! *hand pop up from pile to wave* Hahaha… I've been slightly addicted to Plants vs Zombie lately.**

**Look at Me, Only Me chapter 6**

**Breakdown **

'_How long would it take for a broken heart to bleed until it finally stops beating?'_

…**.**

He closed the door quietly behind the lady editor Aikawa as she walked out, skipping with joy, a thick folder of Sensei's fresh new manuscript tucked tightly in her bag. In the living room, on the sofa, Akihiko sat lifelessly with his head lolling backwards. Just as Misaki was approaching, the man's mouth fell slack and his half burnt cigarette fell. The boy immediately jumped at the stub and snuffed it out in the ashtray. He silently stood there, staring at the man, debating on what was best to do about him in his mind.

Finally, he decided to wake the man despite knowing how bad his attitude was when he didn't get any sleep. Misaki softly patted the strong shoulder only to earn a grunt. He tried again with even worse return, no response. Sighing faintly, he got up and went upstairs, taking a blanket to cover the slumbering man. As he tucked the sides of the blanket around Akihiko, the older man suddenly threw off a side of the blanket, his arm circling around Misaki's waist, swallowing him into his embrace before conking out completely.

"U-Usagi-san…" Misaki blushed scarlet as he was held to that strong chest but the one holding him captive was totally deep in dreamland. The boy with emerald eyes relaxed slightly, snuggling nearer to the pounding sound of the man's heart. He wondered if indulging in this little happiness, even if it meant lying to himself, was alright. And yet, it took only a single word from this man to shatter his tiny piece of hope.

"Takahiro." Biting down on his lips in order to endure the tearing pain in his chest, the boy's eyes began to grow rounder and rounder, seeing absolutely nothing. His consciousness was retreating deeper and deeper into the safe darkness of his mind. He then fell neatly, oblivious to the world, onto the man's shoulder.

…**.**

He woke up, feeling tired but still somewhat rested compared to the moment when he finally completed the last sentence of that damn manuscript. Akihiko swore that Aikawa was just trying to kill him, if not wring his soul out, squeezing and pushing him like that. Realizing that his surrounding was really silent, he at last felt the weight on his lap. Peering downward, he saw the boy he brought with him from that small, dark apartment few weeks ago. He smiled at the serene look on the younger man's face. For a moment, he was content but for the next, a small twinge in his heart made him felt slightly uneasy. The boy's lips were pale. There wasn't much color in his face as well and he was too still.

"Hey…" He patted lightly on the thin cheek. The boy didn't stir but continued to remain unconscious. Panic began to build up in the older man. He straightened up, moving the slender frame of the boy into the crook of his arm, feeling even more worried when Misaki shifted so easily, so lifelessly.

"Hey, wake up." He touched Misaki's too white cheek again, rubbing and pinching it a little, trying to put color in it. The younger man did not respond.

"Takahiro!" he shouted, shaking the slight build in his arm. The boy's eyes snapped wide open. Akihiko blew out a sigh of relief but it did not last long. The boy sprang away from his arms and dashed to the bathroom. Following his sprint, Akihiko found the boy throwing his insides out into the toilet.

"Are you alright?" Akihiko asked the heaving boy, rubbing his thin back to soothe the convulsing motion. The boy choked another round of puke out before nodding ever so slightly, taking the wet cloth from Akihiko to wipe his mouth. He got up and went to the sink to gargle, all the while with the older man hovering over him like a mother hen. When the younger man finished cleaning, he turned to the man.

"Hey, I'm alright, okay?" It was his turn to calm down the agitated man. Akihiko was not convinced one bit, his frown deepening.

"I probably ate something wrong," Misaki told him gently, trying to coax him to a better mood. Though he was still not totally convinced, he unwilling believed the boy, even when Misaki smiled sweetly at him.

…**.**

He could not help him but swear that ever since that puking incident a week ago, the boy was even more pleasant than usual. He was worried over this new behavior and yet, he couldn't help savoring the pampering he got. It was like getting addicted to that smile and that cute laughter of the boy. Whenever he was tired of sitting in front of the computer, he'd go downstairs with his mug, even if it's still three quarter full of coffee, and demand a new, hot cup. Or, sometimes, he would just peep outside of his study, watching the boy bustling around with a basket full of laundry or some cleaning products.

However, once in a while, he noticed the boy would look outside, beyond the balcony, with an extremely sad expression, like he was longing for something far away in the sky. Unconsciously, Misaki would clutch a fistful of the fabric over his heart, biting his lips as if he was enduring something painful.

There was also another thing he observed. Though the boy ate normally, he seemed to be getting thinner until Akihiko could feel nothing but bones when he embraced the younger man. As he sat there pondering what could he do to help the boy, he suddenly became aware of the silence in that huge penthouse. He could not sense the soft pattering of the boy's feet. He got up, opened the door a tiny crack to sneak a look outside his room. Indeed, there was no sign of Misaki anywhere. Fear and worry began to build up rapidly.

Akihiko began searching any clues, listening hard for any signs of the boy but to no avail. His anxiety rose exponentially. He sprinted around the big place, slamming doors and opening others until he found the boy in his guest room, where he placed all his photo albums. Misaki was lying on the bed with a photo album flipped open but it was obvious that he wasn't looking at it. He was staring blankly at that particular page with his mind somewhere else.

"Takahiro," Akihiko began softly, not wanting to frighten the boy as he approached but Misaki did not hear him. Instead, he curled up into a fetal position and began trembling. The older man immediately rushed forward but when he touched the boy, Misaki jerked away. When he tried again, this time, the boy plastered himself to Akihiko, clawing at his shirt, gasping for air but that did not seem to do any good for the fervent shivering.

"Takahiro…" Akihiko muttered. There were no words, nothing except for the labored breathing. The boy's pale fist gripped Akihiko's shoulder tightly. Carrying the light weight of the boy in his arms, Akihiko ran out of the house and caught the nearest taxi to the nearest hospital.

…**.**

**Well, I'm pretty sure there's more bashing for Usagi-san. Bear with it for a little while longer. And don't kill me for always putting Misaki into the hospital. The sadist me does that. The next chapter will be depressing as well since I'm gonna work on it today and I'm depressed. My Japanese teacher is going back to Japan! Boohoo…**

**That's it. Review if you want. Cheer me up a little, will ya?**

**Twilight Cherry**


	7. Escape

**I AM BACK! Hahaha… From where? From hell. Sorry, I am not exactly an organized person which resulted in heaps of assignments crashing down on me and in the end, buried me. It's the semester break now so you would probably say, 'Hey, you're free now! Write more!'. Sorry but not gonna happen. I'm moving currently, for this first time in my life so I have a lifetime of things to pack. So, my only advice and apology, be patient! And to some of you who was hoping I don't abandon this story, I can promise you I will never. Though my straight stories are sort of abandoned (I seriously should continue those… When I have the time….), I will assure you this JR fic will not be.**

**Thanks Chey dear who kept me company through the assignments complains and beta-ed it in a single day. Wuv yoo too!**

**Look at Me, Only Me chapter 7**

**Escape**

'_It hurts… Someone, make the pain stop…'_

…**.**

"Takahiro, don't worry. We'll be there soon." That's what I heard at first. Followed by, "Don't worry. You'll be fine."

But all I could see were the colors swimming around in a dizzying manner. Everything was out of shape, continuously growing longer, shorter, thinner and fatter. I held on to the only thing that felt normal, the only thing that was solid, unchanging. It was warm and strong, wrapping me up protectively. I buried my face into the sturdy object and closed my eyes against the confusing world. And that soft darkness welcomed me with open arms.

However, it didn't last long. A short while later, words forced their ways into my ears, a pile of jumbled up conversation. One that did not made any sense to me. They were asking me to let go, let go of something, but what I did not comprehend. A force then tried to separate me from my solid support, my buoy in the vast ocean, which I clung on to, even harder. Why would I let go this to go into a world filled with spinning, floating shades? I did not understand at all but after a sharp sting on my arm, everything started to slow down and dull into a grayish hue, finally disappearing into black.

…**..**

"What did you do to him?" Akihiko shouted at the man in white as the boy in his arms fell limp.

"I just gave him a sedative shot. Don't worry. We'll do all we can to help him. Can you place him on the bed there so that we can examine him?" The doctor gently asked the obviously tensed up man. Akihiko's face scrunched up in pain before he extremely reluctantly put the boy on the white sheets. However, he refused to let go of the small, pale hand that previously held onto his like he was a lifeline, clutching it to his heart. The doctor sighed and began his inspection.

The silver haired man watched both the doctor and the boy closely. As the professional continued, his face became even grimmer. With the help of a nurse, he administered a drip immediately to the boy's free hand and from what Akihiko see, the drip consistency was unusually faster than normal. The man in white resumed his observations. Akihiko was getting more and more impatient not knowing anything and finally, he grabbed hold of the bustling man.

"What's wrong with him?" The doctor shot him a look that could be considered as fierce before softening seconds after when he saw Akihiko's face which was a confused mixture of anger and fear.

"Sir, your-" The doctor paused in his words, unsure who this boy was. Akihiko smoothly yet emotionlessly supplied 'ward'.

"I'm his guardian. I'm all he has now," he muttered. His face was painted with a frustrated look, angry that he was not the best guardian for the boy, upset that he did not noticed the changes in the boy when he was given this responsibility. He gripped the boy tighter. The doctor cleared his throat before starting.

"Well, your ward is suffering from what I would like to say, a rather serious case of dehydration. Other than that we have yet to discover but for safety reasons, we would like to keep him in the hospital for a day or two for further inspection." Just as the doctor finished, the supposedly sleeping boy emitted a couple of rough coughs. To Akihiko's horror, what left the corner of the boy's lips was a trail of red liquid. The doctor immediately wiped away the boy's life blood with a cloth provided by the nurse and pulled open his jaws, shining a torch into his throat.

"It seems like he's been vomiting as well. And quite often, that is. His esophagus is bleeding," the doctor noted in dismay, talking more to the nurse taking down notes than to Akihiko.

"Sir, I seriously think I need to execute a full body examination immediately so would you kindly follow this nurse and proceed to the registration counter to fill out the patient form?" Akihiko got the immensely long sentence simplified into two words, 'get out', which he very much wanted to disregard but could not find a way to rebuke the words. Guilt was filling his body as the nurse steered him out of the room. How could he not see how much the boy was suffering? Why didn't he say a single word? No, Akihiko was more upset at himself for not asking.

"Sir, please fill out this form and a deposit is required for administrative purposes." Akihiko took the pen and paper stonily, threw down some bills without even asking how much that was needed for a minimum. If money could bring back the fire that he had seen when he first laid eyes on the boys, he would gladly give millions.

When Akihiko began to fill in the form, his hand froze for a second after writing 'Takahashi' in the name column. A soft light lit his heart and brought warmth to his body as he slowly penned the characters that meant 'bloom beautifully'.

…**.**

Misaki woke with a start, feeling very much alert compared to before. However, he was careful to remain still. Looking around in his dark surroundings, he felt a warm, heavy weight on his right hand while his left hand had a prickly feeling. Flexing his fingers on the left, he winced as the intruding object in his skin bit him like an ant's bite. Then he saw, the towering steel pole with a bag of clear liquid hanging onto it, the liquid flowing into him through that bite.

'_I'm in the hospital…'_ He thought to himself. Abandoning that thought casually, he turned to his other side, only to see a worn out Akihiko sleeping, holding on to his right hand.

'_He must be really tired…'_ He felt guilty for causing trouble but deep down, he was slightly glad, happy to see that the man actually worried and panicked over him. The soft heat was calming. Misaki lightly slid his hand out from the slack grip to softly caress the man's face. When the man moved a little, Misaki's hand froze immediately. Sitting up ever so slowly, he then bent down to Akihiko's forehead to lightly brush his lips across it. The man stirred slightly.

"Takahiro…" In an instance, the spark of heat vanished into a blizzard. The piercing pain in his hand became stronger and moved to Misaki's heart instead of his hand when the words left the man's lips in a whisper, so soft and yet so harsh.

'_I have to get out of here…'_ Misaki thought blankly. His heart and mind were furiously building walls around themselves although it was to no avail. They were crumbling like bread crumbs hit by a tsunami. Without a sound, Misaki ripped off the IV drip expressionlessly. The pain in his hand was not as great as the pain in his heart, like a drop of water compared to the ocean. He slipped off the bed, opening the door carefully, quietly, all the while keeping his eyes on the deeply breathing man.

When he was safely outside of the room with the door closed again, he sprinted silently through the dark hospital corridor barefoot. Even so, he could not stop the trail of tears from falling.

…**.**

**Oh well, that's it. See, Usagi-san is not all that bad! If you don't get it, the meaning of Misaki's name is 'bloom beautifully'. It's really a girl's name but cute though. But I'm sure there would be still some bashing. Anyhow, how would you like to see Haruhiko in this? I just suddenly had an itch to put Haruhiko in… But the Haruhiko I imagined would be a slightly different, mind you.**

**Well, where's my welcome back present? You know, the button below is saying 'click me'.**

**Twilight Cherry**


	8. Sweet Bitterness

**Hi, people! You must be feeling lucky if you were waiting for this chapter since I update it I would say faster than I'd expected but by the end, you might be cursing me for the freakingly slow updates. XD I managed this in the holiday we had recently, so the next would be in, err, another month or so? Hopefully I feel up to it and write another chapter yeah!**

**Chey dear had been such a great help to useless me, beta-ing for me even though she's super busy with her side. Wuv you! *cower behind blanket* Don't kick me! I'll fix this mess, I promise!**

**Look at Me, Only Me chapter 8**

**Sweet Bitterness**

'_That word rang so melodiously through your mouth… But, you were just a second too late. A second too late…'_

…**.**

He was tiring quickly as he half ran, half dragged his legs through the darkness of the sickly smelling corridors. The green, glowing exit signs were like beacons of hope, guiding him to the outside world. When the first wave of fresh air hit his face, it was like he could finally breathe again. He dashed out into the night, careful to stay at the side walk where a sturdy wall was so he used as a support.

Misaki was tired, so tired but he struggled to stay conscious through the blurriness. The drugs that were already in his system were still there, pulling him down like a heavy stone. He tottered along the road like a drunk until when he could not feel his body any longer. He saw the ground in front of him approach him at an alarming speed.

'_Oh… I'm falling…'_ he realized. But he could do anything to prevent himself from pitching forward as he had no control over his own self. However, when he hit ground, which he expected to be rock hard, it was soft and warm. A gentle scent wafted to his nose, clearing his blurred mind a little.

"Hey, are you alright?" his savior asked. Misaki couldn't help noticing that the deep voice sounded somewhat similar to a certain someone… though the voice he was used to was very much lower. He felt his body floating upwards.

"It's alright, Tanaka-san. The hospital is just right there," the man said to another. When the man turned with Misaki in his arms, he could see a rather elderly man dressed in suit bowing at his direction. Behind him was a luxurious car, gleaming under the street light. But the thought was quickly discarded when Misaki realized the man carrying him was heading back in the direction which he'd escaped from.

"N-No! I don't want to go back!" He managed to muster whatever strength he had left and gripped the coat of the man tightly. He saw that the man's eyes were grey, a calming cool grey in contrast with the amethyst he was captured in. The grey eyes betrayed no emotions, neither did their owner's face. However, the man did stop in his steps for what seemed like a very long minute. While waiting to see what the man would do with him, Misaki slowly fell into a daze again. When the man finally turned away from the hospital, the young man released a sigh of relief before succumbing to darkness once again.

…**.**

There was a really soft, gentle pressure on his forehead. It was stroking his head like ripples on the water. It was comforting. The temperature of that hand was just right, not too warm and not too cold. He remembered he used to be loved like this, laying on his father's sturdy thighs, his mother hovering over him, humming a lullaby and soothing him when he had a nightmare or was sick. When his parents were gone, all these things were done by his dear brother. He never imagined he could feel this sensation again, this warm, loving touch, like he was going to break if he was touched in the wrong way.

Misaki wanted to continue floating in this peacefulness but there was a soft nudging in his mind. This wasn't them, his mind warned him. There was a different scent, cologne which his father and brother had never used and that waxed leather smell, which was rather new, something he had never really came across before. He reluctantly willed his eyes to open.

"You're awake?" that low voice asked. As Misaki's eyes fluttered open, they met the grey eyes again. He tried to sit up but strong hands were holding him down. The young man's mind then registered that he was in a car, on the backseat with his head on the stranger's lap. The car was rolling on with a supposedly slow speed but the passing street lamps' light were making his head spin again. He closed his eyes. Noticing how the boy was cringing, the unknown man turned Misaki's head towards his body, blocking the lights.

"Tanaka-san, home," he instructed but the boy tensed immediately. He shyly tugged on the sleeve of the man's, all the while with his face buried in his savior's coat.

"Is there somewhere else you want to go, err…" he hesitated, unsure of what to call the boy. The grey eyes quickly swept over the boy, scanning for anything that might help. Lucky for him, the nametag band around the young man's wrist was facing upwards.

"Misaki-kun?" A jolt ran down the small body. The grip on the stranger's hand tightened.

"Yanaka Reien…" Misaki whispered. If both the stranger and the driver were surprised by that weird request, their face betrayed none of those emotions. When Misaki peeked up at the man, he saw his head dip a little, signaling to the driver. The man looked down, catching Misaki peeking, and smiled softly. Touched by the weird stranger that did not ask anything, Misaki let himself relax and doze off lightly again. A tear of gladness and relief slid through his closed eyelids.

…**.**

"We're here…" The man patted Misaki's cheek gently. The boy woke up quickly, much more alert than he seemed before but there was a disturbing look in his eyes. The man began to regret the action of bringing the fragile looking boy here. Misaki struggled to sit up, his head spinning a little. The man steadied him with strong arms. When the door of the car was opened, Misaki placed his feet firmly on the ground and stood slowly. The man quickly exited from the other side and rushed over to Misaki. He held Misaki's upper arm in case Misaki wavered and fall but the kind deed was softly brushed off.

"I'm fine. Thank you." Misaki said, though both his eyes and his voice said otherwise. He half tottered, half tumbled his way through the rows of dark graves. The man followed silently, up the stairs, then to the left. The boy finally stopped at a grave carved with the words that were shiny red, even in the dark night only lit by the moon.

Takahashi Takahiro.

The boy knelt in front of the grave and emitted a series of rough coughs. The man dashed forward but Misaki held up a hand, stopping him from proceeding, while another was on the cold tablet, supporting him. He coughed another few times into his hand, sounding worse with every one.

"Misaki-kun!" The man was shocked when he saw what was on the boy's hand, liquid of the same color as the words on the tombstone. Unexpectedly, the boy laughed softly. It was a very lonely sound. Two clear streams were flowing from his emerald eyes as he turned to face the stone. Lifting his bloodied hand, Misaki wrote beside his brother's name with a shivering, red finger.

As Misaki wrote the last word, they heard loud footsteps approaching them quickly, running up the stairs. The kind stranger turned immediately to see who was coming but the boy calmly continued his calligraphy, finishing the last stroke of the word. When the approaching man reached the level they were at, the boy turned and emerald met amethyst.

"Misaki!" Akihiko yelled.

"Misaki-kun!" The stranger called at the same time when he saw the boy's eyes softened with love and yet were filled with disappointment and regret so deep, they seemed to bleed. But instead of red, they were colorless streams that shone like silver.

The boy smiled ever so sweetly before pitching forward. As he crumbled against the cold stone, his fingers slashed across his brother's name, as if that stone carver had carved the wrong name and he was there to mend it.

Glowing wetly next to his brother's name was the word Akihiko just called out a second too late, something he had been yearning to hear, something he had nearly forgotten yet could never do.

…**.**

***hide behind Aominecchi* Don't kill me! XD I know I'm a sadist for leaving you guys here. I promise I'll update…. Soon…. **

**For your info, though I guess you might already realized, 'Yanaka Reien' means 'Yanaka Cemetery'. It's a true place, and if you're wondering where Misaki's family has the money to be buried there, let's just assume it's a family plot. XP **

**And I see lots of response on Haru-chan, so yeah, there he is. Though, I made him remain unnamed so far but I'm sure you guess can already guess. Muahahaha…. So next will be the showdown between two brothers! Hahaha… Sounds like a match. I've been watching Kuroko no Basuke so I'm feeling real pumped up when two groups compete. And I'm so itching to write a short one shot for Ao and Tetsu but I'll restrain myself until I really have the time.**

**Enough of my blabbing, now it's your turn!**

**Twilight Cherry (I lately have been slowly changing my usernames around to AoiSakura, thanks to Rain-chan)**


	9. Take Over

**I AM BACK! It seems like I announce this every time I update. Really, really sorry about the delay. It's a very long story but if you're interested, I can entertain you, just PM me. **

**I intended this to be before Christmas but Chey dear was busy so you guys have to wait. But it is also partially my fault for dumping another piece of work to her during this busy festive season. **

**Look at Me, Only Me Chapter 9**

**Take Over**

'_If only memories could be altered, if only life could be exchanged…'_

…**.**

Before Misaki fell to the ground on his face, the kind stranger who brought him to the cemetery caught and cradled him in his arms. The boy was unconscious with tears flowing like silver ribbons over his pale cheeks. From the stairs, Akihiko ran towards them with fury burning in his eyes. He slowed when he was two steps away from the stranger but the man swung the boy away from his sight.

"What are you doing?!" Akihiko growled through gritted teeth.

"Keeping him away from you obviously," the stranger replied calmly.

"He's mine!" Akihiko lunged forward but the man sidestepped him before Akihiko could touch either of them.

"Haven't you hurt him enough?" the man carrying the boy asked. Akihiko clenched his fists.

"What do you know?!" Akihiko roared, attempting to grab the boy unsuccessfully.

"I know that he doesn't want to see you now, doesn't want to be with you now, Akihiko," the man stated flatly.

"That's absurd. I will not let you have him, Haruhiko!" Akihiko spat.

"Can't you see you're killing him?" Haruhiko asked, retreating further and further away from Akihiko. He turned and went down the stone steps on the other side to the car. All the while, the silver haired man stood frozen in front of the tombstone, unable to move a muscle. When the car finally went out of sight, he twitched a little and collapsed on his knees.

"I'm sorry, Takahiro…" he whispered quietly to the stone while his hand slid over the bloody characters beside the carved ones. A single clear crystal fell from his eye.

"Please… Don't take him away. I beg you." His forehead touched the cold stone as more and more crystal droplets fell to the ground.

…**.**

Misaki woke in a completely unfamiliar room. Sitting up slowly, he looked around at the elegant decorations, admiring the huge wooden bookcase all along one wall and the large but weirdly empty oak table. The bed, too, was large with silk sheets and comfy feather pillows. Unable to figure out where he was, Misaki sat there in a daze until the door opened quietly.

"Oh, you're awake," the man said. Misaki blinked unknowingly at the man for a moment before remembering. In the midst of his blurred memory, he had met this man and had been helped by him.

"Thank you for your help yester-…" Misaki paused, unsure how much time had passed. All that he could tell was that it was day now, judging by the sunlight that was filtering through curtains.

"It was just yesterday night," the man told him. The boy nodded. He slid to the floor and stood wobblingly. The man rushed forward, catching him before he fell and placed him gently back on the bed again.

"Where do you think you are going?" the man grunted disapprovingly.

"I'm going back," Misaki replied in a dead-set tone.

"Back where?"

"Can you bring me to Usami Akihiko's place?" Misaki asked the man, suddenly realizing he did not know where he was or which way Akihiko's penthouse was.

"Why do you want to go back to that guy's place? You can just stay here," the man offered.

"No. I have to go back." Misaki was determined. The man stared at him emotionlessly.

"Will you stay by him no matter what happens?"

Misaki looked into the man's eyes without wavering. "Yes."

"Even though he treated you unkindly?" The boy pondered on the question deeply. Meanwhile, a part of him realized that this man was no ordinary person.

"Who are you? Do you know Usagi-san?" he asked suspiciously. The man sighed and sat on the armchair positioned facing the bed.

"My name is Usami Haruhiko. I'm his older half-brother." Haruhiko explained.

"I…see. And yes, even if Usagi-san hurts me, I will still stay by his side." Misaki clenched his fists and bit his lips stubbornly. The man watched the boy carefully; his expression still doesn't betray a single thought.

"…Why?" he asked after some time. Misaki's eyes dropped to his lap.

"He… he's a sad person. Lonely. I want to be with him," he replied after thinking hard, unable to properly express his feelings.

"Even if it hurts to stay with him, even if he hurts me, my heart hurts more when I'm not with him…" Misaki whispered softly, clawing at his chest where his aching heart was supposed to be, tears rolling down his cheeks.

A loud barking erupted outside and both man and boy turned to the window. After a moment, a door was slammed, followed by rough stomps down the hallway. Misaki flinched when the heavy door of the bedroom was thrown open. Standing in the doorway was a messed up Akihiko. His eyes, filled with hatred, anger and fear, were directed at his half-brother. Without leaving his seat, Haruhiko returned Akihiko's glare with a calm, poker face. The younger brother slicked gracefully to the boy's side like a silver cat.

"Come, Takahiro. We're going home," he told the boy, holding out a hand to help him. Misaki twitched slightly at the low tone. His trembling hand went slowly towards the offered one. An inch above the palm, he stopped and closed his eyes, offering himself to whatever fate that would come. The remains of earlier tears fell again. Misaki waited for Akihiko to decide. The man closed the gap between their palms without hesitation and strongly pulled the boy into his arms. Not losing another second, he scooped the boy up and left the room without a word to his blank-faced brother.

…**.**

Misaki remained silent the entire ride back to the penthouse. Occasionally, at traffic stops, Akihiko snuck worried peeks at the boy but he was calm. His looks were serene. Halfway through the journey, he fell asleep. Akihiko released a breath of relief.

When they finally reached home, he gently shifted the boy into his arms, unwilling to wake the boy, and carried him home. Holding Misaki like a piece of precious treasure, he was reluctant to let go of him. Instead, he eased himself onto the bed with the boy still in his arms.

"Misaki…" he murmured into the boy's neck. When the boy suddenly stiffened, Akihiko looked up. Those emerald eyes were wide open.

"You're finally willing to call this name?" the boy asked coolly. Akihiko was shocked at the sudden change in attitude in the usually docile boy.

"What's wrong?" Akihiko asked anxiously, touching the boy's cheek softly. When he thought of what might have happened at that house earlier, he gripped the boy at his shoulders tightly.

"What did that man tell you?!" the man growled softly but not meanly.

"What did you not want me to know?" Misaki returned. Akihiko looked away. Both of them remained in the silent darkness, not moving, unwilling to make the first move, to say the first word.

"You promised me to look after my brother, Usagi," the boy said after a long lapse of time. Akihiko jumped at the icy tone again. The boy was staring him in the eyes, without fear, without wavering, without emotions. He looked at the boy in total disbelief, but he knew he was no longer talking to the boy himself.

"Takahiro…"

…**.**

**What in the world happened, you ask? Well, I'm sure you be hating this word so much but you'll have to WAIT~~ Hopefully the next update is not too far away. I'm telling this to you readers and to myself as well. Hahaha…**

**Haru-chan seems really mellow, huh? I like Haru-chan so I'm sorta making him the 'rather good' guy. You'll see…**

**Reviews… I don't mind if there's a little scolding… A little… XP**

**Twilight Cherry**


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